Wavelengths
by Packy 2.0
Summary: If I could turn back time, I wouldn't hesitate. If I could trade my soul so she could still have hers, I'd give anything. But since I can't go back or have no soul left to give, there's only forward to go. I only hope that it'll be her choice to take me forward with her.
1. Chapter 1

*waves*

Heyyyyyyyyy, it's me! I can hear the shocked gasps everywhere!

So this all started out as a flash entry that got way out of control. I finished it late (I know I know... fail) and couldn't post it for the challenge as I had hoped. But I felt it somewhere in my heart that the extended version had to be posted anyway.

Props to the lovely ladies over at AngstPlayContest on twitter. This flash was originally for their weekly flashfic challenge. Head on over to the blog and check out this week's amazing prompt. Also, you should definitely write for the contest because angst and Coldplay? Those two go together like bread and butter. And since I'm a judge, I'm gonna need allllllllll of your angsty words. Here's a link to the contest blog!

Everyone's been in this fandom long enough to know that S. Meyer owns all of the things. What do I own? All of the mistakes this is sure to have because it's un-preread and unbetad. I do hope you enjoy the little story, nonetheless though. Here we go...

**~*~*~*~*~*WL~*~**~*~*~*~**

_"Hey kiddo, think fast," Mom asked, tugging on my chin and forcing me to look at her. "If there was one place in the world you could exist forever, where would you choose to be?"_

_"Any where in Europe," I blurted out excitedly. "No wait, Vegas. Or no no, I know. New York City."_

_Everyone burst out laughing after that. I could never give just one answer and every single time mom would ask this question, my response would be different from the last. I think I may have even said Mars once, back when I was six. But no matter where we were or what we were doing, Bella's would be the same._

_"Belle?" Mom posed the same question to my best friend._

_"Same as always, Mrs. C; The beach." She'd reply dreamily, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world._

_And I guess it was._

_The first time I saw Bella, she was at the beach. She was barely ten years old, but she rode that board and surfed that tide with the finesse of a pro who'd been at it for way more years that she was given. And I liked that. I really enjoyed watching her in her element on that board, but it was the smile on her face while she did it I remember the most about that day. Because not even for one second, was I able to look away from it._

_Not that day, or any day after that._

Even now as my arms tighten around the handles of her chair, propelling us both forward, I can't help but think about it. I don't think I've ever forgotten the first day I realized how much being on the water meant to her. And I don't think I ever will.

"No peeking," I whisper against her ear, as the wind whips her hair, slapping it against my face and hers. The smell of fresh water and salt permeates the air so I'm not dumb enough to think that she doesn't know we're at the beach. She probably won't like it, and she'll most likely be pissed, but the tiny sliver of hope I have of seeing that smile again is so so incredibly worth the risk.

I guide her as close as I can to where the waves break against the shore, before applying the lock on the wheels. I circle in front of her and crouch, taking her feet and slipping her flip flops off one by one. When I release the blindfold, Bella's eyes snap in my direction, unfocused with the usual sharpness of uncertainty.

I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips. Her sun-kissed skin is soft and summer warm as I rub the back of her hand along my cheek, before linking our fingers together.

"I know how much you love this place. I've known it since the first time I laid my eyes on you owning those waves," I pause, wanting to be strong for her, for both of us but I can't fight the tear that escapes, sliding down my cheek traitorously. And even though I know that she can't possibly see it… see me, I know that she isn't blind to anything else. And I've never felt more bared to her than I do right now.

"I wanted to bring you home. To ignite that spark in your eyes again. I needed to see the smile that has haunted me since I was a clueless 13 years old kid. I wanted to bring your heart back to life."

Bella disentangles our fingers and reaches out unsteadily for my cheek. "You are my heart, Edward."

"I know," I answer lamely, clearing my throat against the thick clog of emotion. "I just… happy birthday, Isabella."

Then my lips are on hers though I'm not sure how or when they got there, just that they are. I sigh when I feel her lips responding against mine, desperate for reassurance. With her hands on my jaw, fingers sliding beneath my ear and brushing the too-grown-out hair on the back of my neck, her touch reaches deep inside me and I shiver, holding her close, closer, closest not willing to let go of this moment just yet.

Much too soon, I reluctantly pull away, but never straying far.

"I wanted us to try today," My hand wraps around hers as they shake. I can feel her protest through the tension that stiffens her body "Please, Bella."

"Edward…"

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere and I won't fail you… never again," Even though I vow this to her, I mostly do it to myself. The accident may have left me physically unscathed… a scratch here, a bruise there, but it darn near killed me to stand by and watch it take everything from her.

She's never been back to the beach since. Not once. She refused me every single time I've tried. And I know how much she feels that she has nothing left. Like a prisoner to that chair in a dark world, with eyes that may never see again. But with every single day, I beg God that with his help, I could be the one who pours the life back into her sullen soul.

Without another word, I stand pulling my shirt over my head and resuming my crouch, this time beside her chair. I pull her head gently to my chest. "Wrap your arms around my neck and shoulder, and hang on as tight as you can okay?"

She nods wearily against me and I slip my hands beneath the curve of her knee, hoisting her up against me. I lose balance when I try to stand and Bella whimpers in fear.

"Don't worry. I've got you,"

She sniffles into my chest and her arms tighten around my shoulder as I turn toward the water. My knees threaten to buckle under the burn of her tears as they splatter against my chest. God, I hate that she's hurting, but I also do know that this is how she will begin to heal.

This is her first step.

And she's taking it with me.

Footprints litter the sand behind us as we face the water together, feeling the crash of the waves around us. Bella's shuddering body clings tightly to mine, and I can't help but think that if mom were to ask me right now, where I'd want to be if I could be anywhere in the world… my answer would be this.

It doesn't matter...

As long as it's with her.

**~*~*~*~*~*WL~*~**~*~*~*~**

Ahhhhh,I know, I know... it's little. As I said it was a flash entry, but hope you enjoyed it anyway. Let me know what you think in a review... or not. I appreciate the time you took to read anyway. :)

Until the next time,

xox Packeh xox


	2. Part II: BPOV

*Jasper voice* Hi, darlins'

So at the beginning of this Journey, I had zero intentions to continue this O/S, but a few requests made me really feel like I had to at least give you some more. Then Bella started giving it voice, and I guess I was a goner from there.

Much thanks to Judo_Lin who introduced me to the lovely Sherry Gomez who helped me tremendously with the tender subject of 'being/becoming blind'. I though it was pretty amazing that she wold lend her help to a stranger. So I thank you immensely, Sherry. I'd have made a mess of this without you.

So without further ado, here's Bella's story. See you at the bottom!

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ WL ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I'll never forget the day I reopened my eyes to a world of pure darkness. No matter how many times I blinked, the black haze refused to recede. I'd heard them discuss it days before, even though I was pretending to not be awake. I listened on in dead silence as the doctors explained the extent of my injuries to anyone who would listen.

"It's a miracle she escaped any devastatingly major brain injury," he'd said, but apparently miracles only went so far. Then he broke the news of how the optic nerves in both my eyes were choked for too long between the time of the accident and the time it took to rush me to treatment. By then, the damage was already extensive… permanent and irreparable and there were way more important injuries to try to salvage

He then proceeded to explain the extent of the injury to my lumbar spinal cord. How the bones were completely shattered, with a pretty low probability of me ever being able to use anything below my waist again. In that moment, all I could think about was my board. Nothing existed but me and that. Images flashed in my brain surreptitiously; me watching along hungrily at the challengers at annual surf contests, my dad buying me my first board, me surfing my first riptide, me trying… and failing numerous times to teach Edward to stand steadily on a board.

As memory after memory stabbed at my exhausted brain, the room started spinning. I felt like I was falling… pretty sure that I had already hit rock bottom, yet still, the abyss kept sucking me in, taking me under.

Swallowing me whole.

I felt myself shut down and though everything in me wanted to scream and fight, throw tantrums and angrily implode into a million pieces, all I could do was lay there in a paralysis of my own feelings and suffocate from my own hushed afflictions. I wasn't supposed to hear any of it because I hadn't meant to be awake, anyway.

Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't even supposed to be alive, either.

I remember how physically painful it was to just move... how unbearable it was to even think of it. But by some will, I had managed to tell my dead brain to command my arm to move. It had sucked the wind out of me to move the fraction of an inch it took to bump into his hand. I snaked my fingers through his loosely, unable to tighten my fingers into a grip, but the mere touch of my skin to his was everything. It was all I could do not to cry out. Instead, I silently thanked God that he was still here... with me. And that on top of everything I had already lost, at least I didn't have to deal with suffering the loss of him too.

I couldn't bear it.

The thought caused a raspy whimper to choke its way out of my throat and I felt an unsettling pulse of adrenaline slam into me hard. Edward jerked awake beside me, fingers locking onto mine and squeezing, tightly, yet not tightly enough to really cause me any discomfort. I felt his touch all the way to my core, and every hair on my body stood sensitively on end. The way his thumb finger stroked and soothed the hard bones of my knuckles. The feel of his sinewy body now alert and poised over mine. The musky smell of him, hidden beneath the medicinal odor of the room. The sweet croon of his voice amidst the beeping of machines and the fickle beating of my own heart, as he whispered my name questioningly.

"Bella?"

I felt as though I could take his broken sound and pull apart every note and chord. His voice was heavy with the weight of the world and the way he choked my name out broke the word, as well as me, in two. But I still couldn't deny that hearing his sweet voice was the only beautiful thing left in my world.

I tried to put into words... how I felt. But all that came out instead was a hoarse, angry sob. I wanted to pull him closer and push him away all at the same time. I wanted to yell at him to get away from me, then turn around on my knees and beg him to never leave me again.

But most of all?

I wanted so desperately to open my eyes and see his face, if only just one more time. Even if I knew that the look there would totally and irrevocably shatter the very last pieces of me that I had left.

But no, that didn't happen. Instead I lay beneath Edward as he hovered over me. Holding my face between his trembling hands, he laid his forehead against mine. His desperate tears splattering against my face; joining my own in its race down my cheek.

When my soft cries eventually became dry, keening sobs, he just held me closer. At one point, he gently scooted me over as he climbed into the small bed beside me, wrapping his arms and folding his body around mine.

Edward never let me go… not once.

I clinged to him so tightly that I was sure the pull of skin over my knuckles had been white with the force of it. In that moment, I took a moment to be grateful for what little I had left.

My hands so I could touch him… feel him forever.

My ears, so that I could hear his murmured whispers as if shouted loud and clear.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… Hush, Bella… Please, forgive me,"

I tried to answer to him, really I did. But when my mouth opened, the only thing I could do was heave. The inside of my cheeks and throat felt shoved to the brim with cotton balls, and the only conscious decision my mind made for itself was to just hold on to him and grieve.

So that's exactly what I did.

But not everyday was that easy. Some days were better than others.

In the first few days, the doctors tried to separate us, Edward and I, but he blatantly refused to leave my side. He never ate, hardly even sleeping. I know this because, well, I couldn't sleep either. The moment his body would slip into rest, minutes later I'd hear him muttering, feel him shaking… drenched in the heated sweat from his haunting nightmares.

Things got really bad… really quickly.

I grew bitter and delusional from pain meds, anti-depressants and any med prescribed to me. The darkness had rushed in like a storm cloud, intent on wrecking my mind. There were days when it hurt to even think about Edward. He was all that was good and gracious and pure, but also a constant reminder of everything that was now gone from my life. And although I couldn't see him, there was a change to the reverent feel of him. The slow, fearful and careful ways in which he would now touch and handle me. The creaky, dull edge to his voice. The darkness and guilt that I didn't need eyes to see that was swimming in his.

This wasn't my Edward, and it was then I noticed how much I've been drowning so deep in my own despair, that I'd completely ignored that Edward had been a victim too. He may have had two working legs and still be able to see the sun rise with each coming day, but the accident had irrevocably changed him too… demolished the dynamic of us.

Moulded us both into ghosted shells of ourselves.

Going home didn't really give me the peace of mind I thought I needed. The first few weeks were a nightmare. I hated everything. The stupid wheelchair, these stupid, useless legs, the constant darkness.

Edward.

Myself.

I hated being a burden to everyone around me. I couldn't eat without my hands constantly shaking. Couldn't sleep without waking Edward with my nightmarish screams. I absolutely despised being dependant on someone to do every-single-thing. I hated my parents hovering. Hated Edward worrying.

Most of all, I hated the atmosphere of pity and sympathy. I could smell it in the air, feel searing my skin like acidic flames. Every bit of it drove me insane with shame and worthlessness, till there were days I wanted to rip each strand of hair out of my head. How much more could this take away from me? How much more can I hurt more than I did now?

Some days I felt so devastated that I really wanted to find out.

I remember the day that I was on the brink, wind whipping thunderously around me, threatening to shove me over the edge. I hadn't been having such a great week. That particular day, I'd been miserable, and after dinner, I'd asked Edward for a moment alone in our room. Locking the door from the inside, I wheeled myself to the closet and felt around the darkness until the thickness of resin and fiberglass were beneath my fingertips. With great effort, I pulled the board out of the closet and laid it across my lap. I ran my fingers over the laminated shell of the board, sighing while my eyes fluttered closed.

**_When I open them again, I was no longer trapped in a chair. Instead, I was laying flat, wet-suited chest to board, as I paddle out toward endless ocean blue. Waves breaking and crashing ahead of me, I count and calculate… waiting, watching for the perfect catch. I could feel the eyes and attention of everyone back at the shore. I could hear Edward's voice in my head, cheering me on… "You got this, Bella. Own those waves..."_**

**_And with that, I smile as I pivot my board toward the shore. Paddling rapidly, no match for the speed of the incoming wave chasing behind me. As soon as it's about to swallow my tail, I pop my arms up in an explosive motion, tucking my feet up and under me, one in front of the other. The wax enabling me to keep my footing safely atop the surfboard. The wave catches up with me, but by this time, I'm fully standing on top the board, knees bent and arms loose and extended, torso slightly bent over to maintain my balance. I feel the force of the wind as it teams up with the wave, propelling me forward. I wade my hand through the water as the wave crashes and follows behind me._**

**_One second, I'm doing great, eyes closed and owning it, just like Edward's whisper commanded me to. The sun is shining brightly and I'm riding a wave on top of the world. In a split second, I open my eyes and I can't see a thing. Everything is shrouded in bleak darkness. There's no time to react before a monster wave creeps up, colliding into me from above? Behind? I don't know. I don't even have time to think before I plunge face first into the water, the waves crashing on top of me, forcing me under. _**

**_No matter how much I try to push myself upward, the waves pounding me beneath the surface seem endless. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't do anything but surrender to the war being fought above me. I slide beneath the dark, murky water, being jostled and shoved around till I can't even tell which way is up. My ears and nose are flooded with water, my arms suddenly become as numb as my legs. _**

**_My legs? I was just standing on top of my board, all powerful and strong and now?_**

**_Oh God, I couldn't feel my legs._**

**_I opened my mouth to scream, but water rushed in, choking me. Coughing and sputtering, my arms flailed around uselessly. Hands curled into fists, smashing into the waves, almost as if I was fighting some invisible barrier that would help me out of this._**

**_I pounded the waves, until I could feel the fight leaving me. I was exhausted, so tired of struggle, barely knowing which was up. Just as I was about to finally succumb, warm hands surrounded me, pulling me out of my despair. When I broke the surface, I was screaming, gasping for breath; my entire body shivering, but not from the cold water. I blinked once and twice, and though I still couldn't see, I could tell that I was back in my room._**

**_When did I ever leave it?_**

I could feel the chair beneath me, the board laying across my lap right where it had been moments before.

My hands shook as I lifted the thing out of my lap, placing it into a standing position, beside my chair. Suddenly overwhelmed by exhaustion, all of my weight rested against the board as I reminisced and wept. I hugged the standing board to me and heaved hideously, willing myself to open up and every ounce of pain and hurt to come pouring out.

I sobbed and wailed until my eyes were cried raw and I remember thinking how ridiculous that was. If I couldn't be able to use my eyes for the only thing they were made for, then why should I be able to feel their irritation? I had no right to feel anything in them. I had no right to feeling any of this.

I don't know how long I sat there until my cries grew hysterical. Time started flashing by, and the next thing I knew I was screaming and slamming the board repeatedly against the wall. With every strike of the plank off the plaster, I could feel my sanity chip away with the loud bangs.

Behind me, I could hear Edward pounding on the door, begging me to open up. But I was nearly beyond all reason. The pain in my hands and arms were numbing as I continuously lashed out at the walls trapping me in, feeling the board crack and splinter with each loud smack.

Edward burst through the door, and beneath the noise of my own undoing, I heard the door smack against the wall as he flew in. I flinched the moment his hands touched my hair, made its way down to my shoulders and circled my wrists.

"Bella, stop,"

No...

"Please… you'll hurt yourself. Stop this,"

"NOOOOOOO!" This time a scream bellowed from my throat, fighting against his hold on my hands. I just wanted to smash the board to pieces. Never having to deal with it or the memories it induced ever again. I clutched the board tighter, but of course Edward was stronger than me. He pried it away from my hands almost effortlessly, tossing it to the side.

I was angry, fuming. Enraged that he'd come between me and this. I grabbed onto his shoulders, digging my nails into his upper arms, feeling his skin rip away under my grip. He hardly even flinched nor did he pull away. Instead he dropped to his knees in front of me and pulled me into his chest. His warm arms wrapped around me like the wings of an angel, sheltering… saving me from the black hole of my own self destruction.

I smashed my fists against his chest as I wept. I shoved him away from me, cursed him, insulted him, and he just took every batter... every bruise. Holding me, burying his face into my hair and weeping for me too. His entire body was shook against mine as he sat back on his heels, pulling me out of the chair and into his lap.

Edward scooted back until his back hit the foot of the bed and pulled me against his chest, where he held me whispering hushes and shhhhs as I keened from the deepest parts of me. He was like a sponge, absorbing it all… taking it all inside of him.

No one warned me that it would go on like this. Endless days where I'd break down, and leave Edward to pick up the pieces. But he never complained. Never breathe a word of it. Often times, it left me worried just how much he could take, before he was all consumed and couldn't take anymore.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ WL ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Things got worse before they got better.

Adjusting to life after the accident hadn't been easy. The complications of everything had literally sent me in a downward spiral pretty quickly. I retreated so far into myself that I had even lost my voice. I couldn't see my life… couldn't find a way forward through it. My hope for going on had sunk to an all time low. I'd realized then that not only had I lost my eyes and my legs, but I was quickly losing my mind as well. My hope for any kind of mental or emotional recovery was as uncertain as a flickering flame.

I was often bitter and sore most of the time, it seemed. But God, did Edward try. Even though I swear I could feel impatience and annoyance wear him thin most days, he never gave up on me. I guess I have God to thank for that. Because I honestly don't know how far I'd have made it, if I hadn't had him.

People say that when you lose one sense, all the others spontaneously become alive to fill that gap. And I guess, that's right to a certain extent. I quickly learnt that it takes a lot of hard work to get there though. The mental exhaustion was often crippling and channeling the weakness of one thing toward the strength of another weighed on me heavily.

But we rose above it, Edward and I. We struggled, boy did we struggle but with the support of my family and his, we were able to make it. The physical therapy, the counseling, learning to read braille, adjusting to the whole new lifestyle of co-dependency. It wasn't what I wanted, neither of us had imagined this of our lives, but we couldn't keep letting our circumstances deprive us of the love and life we found in each other.

None of this was easy for Edward. He'd been a victim too, and his every loss had been my own. But at long last, we'd become resolved to not let the conditions of it define us and our relationship. There was one thing that I couldn't do though. One thing I was sure I would never get past.

I couldn't go back to the beach. The last bit of myself that I had salvaged from the accident would surely never come back from it.

Each one of Edward's requests to take me back were declined, but there were only so many. He never pushed, never really begged and I was thankful because I wasn't sure I would deny him if he did.

Until the day he didn't ask.

I couldn't even be mad at him, because it had felt so right. It was then I realized that I was being selfish. He probably needed this just as much as I did.

_**"I wanted to bring you home… I wanted to bring your heart back to life."**_

His words had unhinged me wholly and there was nothing more I'd have rather done than to give that to him.

So I did.

I said nothing as I clinged to him, and he wrapped me up tight against his body as we braved the waves together. And even though I was shivering, almost frozen numb all over from the bitter cold, the warmth in places where his skin touched mine was enough to keep me afloat.

We visited the beach many times after that. Edward bought me a new board and sometimes, he'd take it out with us. Both of us just seated on the board, as the waves jostled us around. We never really did anything, went anywhere, but being out there with him, I felt like I was soaring amongst the clouds.

He'd said he wanted to bring my heart back to life, and I guess he did. But now, as the sea-scented wind whips tendrils of my hair around my face and Edward's next to me, his hand unconsciously twirling the thin, gold band around the third finger of my left hand, I truly understand that even if I didn't know it at the time, I was bringing his own heart back to life as well.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~ WL ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

Well there you have it. I'm afraid that this is definitely the end of the line for these two. I hope it brought you the answers and closure that you not only asked for, but that you deserved.

Again, thank you all for reading. Whether you reviewed, pimped, loved, hated... I appreciate every moment of it. Don't forget to keep an eye out for the AngstPlay contest. Submissions will close soon, so get you lovely words in to us. We can't wait for them.

Until next time,

xox Packy xox


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